Love

Two of my favorite songs right now are love songs. About happy endings and true love. I've always wondered if I'm going to live long enough to find that, maybe I'll die tomorrow or God will come again before I have time to find it. Does that mean I should change the way I think and see things, and what if I meet someone who was the person for me, but I don't see it or feel the connection so I just shrug it away? I mean I don't expect to find that person in high school but a lot could happen in two years before I get out. I could get in an accident and be mentally disabled for the rest of my life. It would be God's plan for me, its just hard to think about and understand because I see, feel, and hear love everyday and I feel like I will miss out on something important if I don't find it. And I def. think that this is harder for girls just because of how we are created and that we think about this way more than guys do so we tend to worry about it more. We always want the perfect guy and a best friend for life but there's only one guy out there like that whose meant for you. I'm afraid I won't meet him till I'm too old to have children and I think I'll need a lot of support from someone those years right after college trying to find a job and a home somewhere. By the grace of God I am making it through this horrible year by the skin of my teeth. Though I would feel bad dragging someone into this with me because I barely have time for me. Just something I think about when I hear those songs, something I'll need more patience than I have to comprehend.

Happiness

So having spirit week right after a horrible weekend is really the way to go. Its hilarious to come to school and see everyones outfit and stuff. And when you participate its even better! Having people stare at you in the hallway and know that its because you look stupid and not because of some other reason makes me smile. It makes coming to school more enjoyable, thats for sure. I love to dress up funky like that...except when you have a class with all guys and one girl and they all laugh at you when you walk in the door and then make fun of you the whole 90 minutes, thats not cool. But its because they know they could never dress up like that and have the courage to walk down the hallway, and they're just jealous of my super-coolness and how I rock the different category each day. Honestly I'd say this is my favorite week of the whole school year.

A Praise

This is the first night that I haven't had to come home and do history homework in a long long long time, so it's pretty amazing. That is my praise of the day. I didn't even put my history book in my bag to take home so there's zero chance of me doing it at all, even if I might have time. It's a good thing too, seeing as I didn't get home from cross country practice until 6:05. Though my evening will be spent studying for my Puritan Lit. test in English tomorrow. Isn't it weird, the past two English tests I never studied for and aced them, no problem. But my two history tests in which I study for and what not, I fail miserably. Which resulted in me having my first legit. "C" in any class, ever in my life. Even Pre-Algebra with Mrs. Searcy was worse and I still managed an "A" in her class. I guess its always time for firsts though, it's what makes the world go round. That and the hilarious stories I get from Mr. Shaver's class everyday. He makes up for the grueling hour and a half I spend with Mr. Granger. I don't know what I'm going to do next semester when I don't have him as a teacher, I'll have to visit him everyday. It'll be a sad sad day, the day we come back after Christmas Break and 3rd block will roll around and I'll be going somewhere else. ):

Buttons

What's the point of coming to school later when I can't even sleep in. I mean, yes I can, but if I didn't, that would go on the list of some of the worst things I've ever done because then I would have missed out on that opportunity to do all that homework. And I'm sick and tired of people asking me why I took the AP classes. Well you know what, its because I'm smart and your dumb and lazy so stop asking!!! Its more lazy than dumb but you get the jist. I've just had about every button pushed today that shouldn't have been. And the worst thing is, I can't even run. I don't know why I try and tell people things because sometimes it just makes things worse. Grrrrr life. And the sad thing is, these aren't even major problems in my life, I think I'm just losing my patience with people and things...mainly people, but whatever, I'm just disappointed in myself right now.

If I Got a Dime Everytime I Did Something I Didn't Want To Do, I'd Be a Millionaire, Maybe Even a Billionaire.

I don't think I've ever been this tired in my life. After my meet today I came home and took a nap and my mom tried to wake me up but I was so exhausted I couldn't open my eyes. All I could do was moan and roll over. And it hurts to walk, Mr. Kendall thinks I strained something, I woke 7 minutes before I had to leave this morning to catch the bus (which was leaving at 6:25 so I didn't get much sleep and 2 nights ago I only got four hours of sleep and I could have used waaaay more last night to make up for the other night). Actually, theres like this dull throbbing pain in my leg right now. I just wish today would be over with because it started out bad and hasn't begun to get better. And I've decided that I'm a very sarcastic, negative person who complains a lot, especially when I'm running. I just want to go back to bed and sleep till tomorrow morning. ):

Changing Seasons

I'm sitting on the fence about the upcoming season. I'm mean, I love fall because the weather gets a little cooler and I like to wear jeans and sweatshirts, and I LOVE my letter jacket and wearing it at football games especially this year since I've finally got some patches to put on in. But then comes winter.and I know I'll miss summer, the warm nights where you can leave your window open and listen to the noises outside. And the days get shorter): I don't like getting up AND arriving back at home when its dark because thats pretty much how my day runs. And when swimming comes, I'm always inside and thats no fun. I've always told Mr. Shaver that if they did the smart thing and let the swim team design the new pool that ours would have a sweet action top that opens up like the Lucas Oil Stadium and it would also include heated toilet seats and floors and a glass bottom pool with an aquarium underneath. Haven't quite figured out how they would feed the fish and stuff but it would happen. And I can't forget the underwater sound system because it gets really boring sometimes when you have nothing to listen to but your own head. I've actually thought about what the whole nat. would look like during many many swim practices because I have had nothing else to think about. But I guarantee that it would probably be the best swimming pool in the United Sates because I've spent like the past 4 years of my life mapping out how it would look during all my swim practices. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the cold weather but I know about half way through swim season I'll miss the warm weather terribly and long for the warmer days the track season brings. I wish we could have fall and then about a two months of complete snow, not just stupid old cold weather but snow, and then go back to fall for a couple of months then to spring and then summer. Because I love snow but when the days are cold and dreary it makes me sad. Oh well, I just know that come January, I'll be wishing those June days back.

I think I've Got It

I think I've finally got it under control; this whole homework thing. Maybe this weekend was just an unusually homework free weekend, I don't know, but I feel less stressed about it. I've found the middle ground where I can get my homework done and not spend all night doing it and still have time to do other things. Maybe I've just made room for them and am caring less if I get my homework done or not, I don't know. But, maybe, just maybe, I've got it under control.

The Moments That I Cherish Most

The moments I cherish most are the moments right before sleep,
when the world is calm and quiet and you can finally feel at peace .
The moments when you win a race,
when you know that your best was finally enough and the thought of it brings chills to your body.
The moments when running is all you can do to fix the problem,
when the repeated beat of your feet hitting the ground is the only thing you want to hear.
The moments when the sun sets,
when you wonder how in the world such colors even existed.
The moments when the stars come out,
when you wonder why in the world watching them stopped being something you did for fun.
The moments when you spend time with people you love,
when those moments last you a lifetime and get you through the moments you wish to forget.
The moments when you know someone cares,
when you know because they took the time to even ask.
The moments when you get that look,
when that look is more than words could ever be.
The moment, the moment that you cherish forever,
when its something only you and God could and shall ever know.
These moments are the moments I cherish the most.

Wow

I feel the need to write a poem, but unfortuanely I don't have the time. Maybe I'll think up one tomorrow. To bad I don't have Granger tomorrow or I would totally write one up in his class but I've got an English test tomorrow, yikes! Though I may have to pause the studying to write one because I just feel the need to write one. I haven't written one in a looong time. ): But no more! I shall write a poem! Soon...maybe...