Hodgepodge of Feelings: Take 2

So at about 12:30 last night I had the urge to write so I sat down and typed out all that was literally going through my head and I thought it saved but apparently it didn't. Nothing, nada, not one word of it saved. Maybe it's a sign from God that no one was to really know what I was thinking. Who knows? I mean I spent about a half hour typing it all for nothing. But it was definetly an eye opener yesterday. And I owe it all to some truthfully honest , critical...I guess you could call them guys...with the way they act sometimes you'd think otherwise. Sometimes it 's nice to have people think before they speak and just lay everything out for you to see, it makes the realization come quicker.

Dancing

You ever felt like dancing? But I've always wondered if it's right or wrong because the Bible says both. I can't help the urge and it's not like it's hurting anyone. It's just a way of expressing my feelings. Because I only truely feel like dancing when I completely happy. And I do know that when your having a bad day a short dance party can momentarily make you forget.(; So whats the harm? I actually think people should dance more because we're all too uptight, myself included. Mr. Kendall told us that people who sing are happier because it relaxes part of the brain or something, but I actually think poeple who dance more are normaly more happier and energetic and stuff. Hmm???

Wow its been a long time.

Why???

Why, when you're having a perfectly good day, can one small little thing bring you down? From then on its like "whats the point for even starting out good when it's just gonna end bad?" Have you ever had a whole day where everything went good? I just want one day like that. But it always seems that there has to be one bad thing that happens to ruin it. Those days all I can say is why? Why me? Why now? Why here? Why this? Why God, why? That's all I want to know, why???

Love

Two of my favorite songs right now are love songs. About happy endings and true love. I've always wondered if I'm going to live long enough to find that, maybe I'll die tomorrow or God will come again before I have time to find it. Does that mean I should change the way I think and see things, and what if I meet someone who was the person for me, but I don't see it or feel the connection so I just shrug it away? I mean I don't expect to find that person in high school but a lot could happen in two years before I get out. I could get in an accident and be mentally disabled for the rest of my life. It would be God's plan for me, its just hard to think about and understand because I see, feel, and hear love everyday and I feel like I will miss out on something important if I don't find it. And I def. think that this is harder for girls just because of how we are created and that we think about this way more than guys do so we tend to worry about it more. We always want the perfect guy and a best friend for life but there's only one guy out there like that whose meant for you. I'm afraid I won't meet him till I'm too old to have children and I think I'll need a lot of support from someone those years right after college trying to find a job and a home somewhere. By the grace of God I am making it through this horrible year by the skin of my teeth. Though I would feel bad dragging someone into this with me because I barely have time for me. Just something I think about when I hear those songs, something I'll need more patience than I have to comprehend.

Happiness

So having spirit week right after a horrible weekend is really the way to go. Its hilarious to come to school and see everyones outfit and stuff. And when you participate its even better! Having people stare at you in the hallway and know that its because you look stupid and not because of some other reason makes me smile. It makes coming to school more enjoyable, thats for sure. I love to dress up funky like that...except when you have a class with all guys and one girl and they all laugh at you when you walk in the door and then make fun of you the whole 90 minutes, thats not cool. But its because they know they could never dress up like that and have the courage to walk down the hallway, and they're just jealous of my super-coolness and how I rock the different category each day. Honestly I'd say this is my favorite week of the whole school year.

A Praise

This is the first night that I haven't had to come home and do history homework in a long long long time, so it's pretty amazing. That is my praise of the day. I didn't even put my history book in my bag to take home so there's zero chance of me doing it at all, even if I might have time. It's a good thing too, seeing as I didn't get home from cross country practice until 6:05. Though my evening will be spent studying for my Puritan Lit. test in English tomorrow. Isn't it weird, the past two English tests I never studied for and aced them, no problem. But my two history tests in which I study for and what not, I fail miserably. Which resulted in me having my first legit. "C" in any class, ever in my life. Even Pre-Algebra with Mrs. Searcy was worse and I still managed an "A" in her class. I guess its always time for firsts though, it's what makes the world go round. That and the hilarious stories I get from Mr. Shaver's class everyday. He makes up for the grueling hour and a half I spend with Mr. Granger. I don't know what I'm going to do next semester when I don't have him as a teacher, I'll have to visit him everyday. It'll be a sad sad day, the day we come back after Christmas Break and 3rd block will roll around and I'll be going somewhere else. ):